When Love is a Knife
A brief recommendation of Salman Rushdie's "Knife" and thoughts from a much better role model
As I write this, the State of Israel has just confirmed the deaths of three of the most well-known hostages kidnapped on Oct. 7, 2023 from Kibbutz Nir Oz. Shiri Bibas, along with her two young redheaded boys, Kfir and Ariel, were ripped from their homes and taken into Gaza. 501 days later, Israel finally confirmed what had long been whispered: That the two small boys and their mother were dead.
In the coming weeks, the public will demand answers. What happened to the Bibas family? When did the government learn what happened? What could have prevented their deaths? But for now, most Jews around the world are simply speechless, and in anguish.
Many of us have no idea what to do with such pain. Honestly, neither do I. But in times like these, I turn to those who have survived the unspeakable. And so, I’ll share two such men with you today, one famous and one a close friend.
Salman Rushdie doesn’t want to be known as the guy with a fatwa on his head. He writes of his joy when his latest novel was treated as a piece of literature rather than as a piece of literature by a Controversial Author. And yet, after nearly being stabbed to death at a talk in the idyllic Chappaqua, New York in August 2022, he felt that he physically could not write another book before he processed what had happened to him.
And so he does for us in Knife. He writes compellingly, of course, about death and survival. But it’s his descriptions of love which touched me the most.
To be sure, he is not someone to emulate in this department. He is on his fifth marriage, to a much younger woman, and he left his fourth wife (Padma Lakshmi, about the pursuit of whom wife #3 told Rushdie, “You saw an illusion and you destroyed your family for it,”) while she was recovering from a surgery of her own.
And yet. I was deeply moved by his honest and rigorous accounting of what it means to survive, and what to do with the life you have left.
Someone much more compelling in the Person to Emulate department is my dear friend Adam Reinherz, who is also no stranger to processing the unthinkable in real-time.
The most and least surprising thing about Adam is that he has four daughters. I say most because he looks as if he still gets carded at bars, and least because he radiates the type of kindness and gentleness that can only result from spending one’s formative years in a household full of women.
I first met Adam while on a fellowship at the Shalom Hartman Institute (where I also met Emily Tamkin), and his enthusiasm for his work was infectious. He’s also an accomplished runner with dozens of blisteringly fast marathons under his belt, has absolutely zero ego, and is downright hilarious.
Adam was also one of the journalists most intimately involved with covering the 2018 Tree of Life shooting in Pittsburgh, where he and his family live.
Salman was attacked by a radical Islamist. Adam’s community was ravaged by a white supremacist. Both men are a testament to rebuilding, and know that humor is as good as any anecdote to grief.
Characteristically, Adam brushes off those who express frustration with the fact that so many national reporters swooped in and tried to co-opt the story of his Pittsburgh community, saying they were just doing their jobs. But Adam’s deep and sensitive reporting — his commitment to his family, his town, to his values and to covering the Jews of Western Pennsylvania — is a testament to the power of showing up for one another.
When I think of a mensch, I think of Adam.
1. What are you reading this week?
“Grace After Midnight: A Memoir by Felicia Pearson and David Ritz.”
Pearson is best known as Snoop on “The Wire.”
As someone who considers much of the world’s wisdom wrapped within a now 20-year-old five season HBO show, I thought Pearson’s memoir might offer another layer of understanding to a series I repeatedly return to for truth after truth.
2. What's a lesser-known book or author you think deserves more attention?
I wouldn't call her a lesser-known author, but I’ll say that everyone should read Zoje Stage’s work. She's a Pittsburgh-based thriller writer. Whether you like the genre or not, Stage has a wonderful way of developing uncomfortable characters who feel both horrifying and familiar.
3. If you could live in any fictional world for a day, where would it be and why?
Whenever Powerball reaches some sort of astronomical sum, my brother-in-law and I play a game where we have to figure out how to spend the winnings all in one night.
The game often results in arguments about time zones, how many transactions need to occur and what the outcome is at the end of the evening. The game, which most of our relatives are completely bored of hearing about by now, is really an outgrowth of an earlier unrelated argument in which my brother-in-law and I saw a package of hummus next to a package of tortillas. Both packages had logos with cartoonish figures. We long debated who would win in a fight: cactus man or tortilla man. The fictional world I’d like to live in would probably be watching those two grocery store titans duke it out over how to spend all the Powerball winnings in one night. That would offer a lot of clarity.
4. How do you deal with creative block or burnout?
I run, then I stress about how I didn't run as well as I wanted to, then, after wasting so much time not just running but thinking about running, agonizing over past runs and worrying about future runs, I realize I've left myself with little time to file before deadline. That usually sparks a bevy of creative activity.
5. What’s your ideal reading environment?
Total silence, on a couch, with a cup of black tea.
6. What are the big questions on your mind this year?
How can I become a better listener? If I do, will I notice?
7. When I need to unwind, I’d say…
I run, because I love running, but see above because it’s sort of a complicated relationship.
8. People might be surprised that…
As a short, kind of funny-looking adolescent with braces I really wanted headgear. I thought it would have completed the look. I never got headgear but I still wear my retainer most nights. I don’t know if this response is more weird than surprising. Thinking about it will be a new distraction next time I get creative block or burnout.
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