The case for Jewish joy

On flower crowns and the point of 'doing Jewish'

Tzivia is a serious human rights attorney, seemingly always awake and on WhatsApp. The first text I received from her today concerned flower crowns.

“It's Shavuot here,” she reminded me, sharing a photo of her and her daughter. “Sending you love, and hope for growth, peace and prosperity.”

The two were clad in white dresses, the yellow ribbon of the hostage families pinned to their chests. They wore dainty white flower crowns, and held a green wreath dotted with pink, purple, and yellow flowers. There were dark circles under my friend’s eyes, a testament to the state of the world these days. But the image — and the message — shook me awake.

It’s been 248 days since the worst day in modern Jewish history. Most of those days have been spent on the defensive: Cataloging the devastation left in the wake of the deadliest 24 hours for Jews since the Holocaust. Dissecting the last moments of the lives of those who were martyred, looking for patterns in the senseless violence. Trying — almost always in vain — to educate those who woke up on Oct. 8 and discovered the Israeli-Arab conflict, so certain that they know what is what and who is right.

But this quietly resilient image was an important reminder of why we are doing the work in the first place.

There’s an old Jewish proverb that goes something like this. The antisemite does not accuse the Jew of stealing because he believes that she actually stole something. The antisemite makes an accusation because he loves watching the Jew turn out his pockets. 

On Sunday, the IDF remarkably rescued 4 of the 120 hostages taken on Oct. 7 who remain in Gaza. Remarkably — miraculously — they were alive and relatively unscathed.

I’ve cried again and again watching the moments during which Almog Meir Jan, 21, and Andrey Kozlov, 27, were rescued by the IDF. I cheered, and cried, along with the beachgoers in Tel Aviv who were alerted by the lifeguard that Andrey and Almog, and Noa and Shlomi, were alive and had been rescued.

There are those who immediately rushed to condemn this. Nevermind who started this war, or who was holding these civilians hostage for eight months in crowded urban areas. Nevermind that Almog, Andrey, Noa and Shlomi never should have been in Gaza in the first place.

A world that leaps to vilify you, to critique your every move, is more than enough to make you feel crazy. Especially amidst a year spent in hell, this sense of isolation only compounds the deep trauma of it all.

Israel still hasn’t processed what happened on Oct. 7, never mind everything after that. The trauma is real, and it is deep, and healing will not begin until the war is far behind us. There is also a war unfolding on social media, one that Israel isn’t very good at fighting. Many — myself included— spend much of our time trying in vain to bring truth and nuance to places that reward sensationalism and reductive hot takes.

But this weekend, I just couldn’t stomach it. So instead of explaining why Jews around the world were celebrating a clear and open miracle, I simply posted this:

“It is Israel's responsibility to defend their country and bring those taken captive back home, minimizing civilian loss to the extent they can in the process,” I wrote on X. 

“It is Hamas' responsibility not to commit the war crime of taking hostages and hiding them in civilian areas.”

“Hamas does not care about their people. They have used civilians as human shields for decades. They use UN aid bags as rocket launchers. They took babies, young children, teens and old men hostage to use as leverage for their genocidal aims. Israel is not responsible for that.”

“My record and my conscience are clear,” I concluded. “Those curious to learn my positions on Israel's actions need only read my work. What I am not going to do is spend a miraculous Shabbat playing the game of bending over backward to those who want Israel to pay for Hamas' crimes.”

Maybe it was too much; maybe it was not enough. But nothing will ever be enough for those determined to destroy us and undermine us at every turn.

I am deeply invested in Israel’s future. I mourn the death of each and every innocent life lost, and work to elevate the voices of those who are fighting for less destruction, for fewer bigots and zealots, and for a more just and democratic society.

But I also know who is to blame for this war, and that they fight dirty. As soon as we become defensive — and we long, long have been defensive — we lose. As the old saying goes, never wrestle with a pig. You’ll end up muddy and the pig enjoys it.

This week, I refused to play the game.

Yes, being Jewish and proud these days requires beating back the darkness. But we’re fighting only ourselves if we forget the reason we’re fighting in the first place.

On Shavuot, which begins tonight, Jews celebrate the gift of receiving the ten commandments, one of the earliest codified sets of moral and ethical laws. These ten utterances comprise the backbone of the Jewish ethical framework that continues today.

Today, we are fighting a genocidal army hellbent on destruction. But it cannot be this fight that anchors and sustains us — it must be the wisdom of our forefathers and mothers, and our commitment to living an ethical life.

My dear friend Shoshana, an embodiment of these principles, turned 60 this week. She wouldn’t let us throw a big party, since the hostages are still suffering in Gaza. But on Sunday, we finally had a moment to celebrate.

We drank seltzer and ate hummus and falafel. We danced to 80s music, tried in vain to fight the sharp wind blowing across the Hudson, and reinvented a silly version of the hora. We had two types of vegan cake; coconut and dark chocolate raspberry.

And you can bet we wore flower crowns.

The header image was created using generative AI, and Tzivia’s name is not Tzivia. 

What I’ve written

This week for the Forward, I wrote about the Israelis and Palestinians building a better future, and how we can’t rely on politicians to save us.

Read the article

I don’t follow sports, but it was a pleasure speaking with former pro-athlete Aaron Machbitz on his podcast, Something for Everybody! We spoke about Jewish identity, freeing the hostages, and a lot of other stuff. It was a wide-ranging and challenging conversation and I hope you’ll have a listen!

Watch on YouTube

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